Monday, March 13, 2017

Starting over. At the bottom of the mountain.

*Deep Breath*

I'm starting over.

7 years ago, I lost 60 pounds. My goal, my "why" was to get pregnant. And boy did I-- our twins are 6 years old now. I gained 90 pounds during the twin pregnancy, though my doctor has said at least 30 of that was water weight I put on due to pre-eclampsia. But still. 90.pounds.

After the girls (A & N) were a year old, I lost 60 pounds. Again. I did spin, bootcamp, running, weights. The whole shebang. Between losing the water weight and then the workouts, I still had 30 pounds of the twin weight on when I got pregnant again.

With my singleton, I gained just under 40 pounds.  I was pretty happy about it, and my doctor was, too. I lost 20 of those as soon as B was born. But I had learned when I was nursing the girls that I was one of those women who can't lose weight while nursing. My OB tried to make me feel better by saying that it means hundreds of years ago, my babies and I would have been the ones to survive famines and droughts. Didn't help a ton, but thanks. my goal while nursing is just to not gain weight, and then once weaned, my body lets the pounds go a little more easily. Plus, I am not chained to my baby and can get out and walk and exercise more easily.

But. Oh, here's a big but. when the baby (B) was 5 months old, I had my thyroid removed. It has been 2 years of tumult trying to get my meds figured out. I gained 40 pounds in the 6 months directly following my surgery. Let me assure you, this is not because of any particularly bad habits. My levels were so low, I barely got out of bed, and I surely didn't waste energy walking from the couch to the fridge when I was that low.

I've done some stops and starts these past two years and I have lost 12-13 pounds from the Most I Have Ever Weighed. I have a long, long way to go.  Let's add it up: 30 twin pounds, 20 Bennett pounds. 40 thyroid pounds. (90pounds) and then subtract the 12 I've lost-- I still have 78 pounds to get down to my lowest weight ever. I'm not sure if that's my ultimate goal, though, at this point. We're going to go 10 pounds at a time and see where I land. Where I'm comfortable. Where I'm not obsessed with each calorie, but able to enjoy life and food around me.

In January, I hurt my back while doing yoga. One of those "damn right I have the availability to do boat post" moments that you regret the day after. It took 6 weeks before I could walk upright again. I'm 10 weeks from the injury, and I can still feel my back getting tired REALLY fast. I am also noticing some disordered eating popping up here and there (I have been treated twice for an eating disorder. I will probably talk more about this in another post).

So I need to get back in it. I need some accountability. So I will be posting to this blog a couple of times a week. If you still follow this blog at all and it randomly popped up today, feel free to comment. Support is good. Accountability is good.

I am ready to work.

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